The Dragon's Song is Ringing in the Sky - Ch 4.3
Proofreader/English editor @lynn
The Singing Voice of the Dragon Echoes in the Sky, Vol.1
Chapter 4.3 The Hidden Past
The sound of the door opening startled me and I looked towards it. I was even more surprised to see the person who appeared on the other side of the door. As I opened my mouth to speak, that person put his forefinger up and gestured for me to be quiet. He slowly closed the door and showed me a smile. His appearance might have changed a little but there was only one person who had that crimson hair.
He grinned at me when I called his name. I was so surprised that I couldn’t utter another word.
It was only natural to be surprised. This was the first time the king came to visit my rooms alone in the middle of the night. First of all, Shurei wasn’t here. I heard that during the nights when Shurei wasn’t around, the guards on the corridor were doubled and more strict. If something were to happen, they could immediately inform Shurei in the room across the hall. I thought it would be impossible even for the king to visit. No, that was what I was told. Feiwan approached me slowly. I sat with my back straight in my seat and froze in shock. Feiwan came to my side and stopped.
The distance between us was about 3 meters?
A fragile distance.
Could this possibly be the very limit of the distance where we could meet with peace of mind?
“How is it? Have you calmed down?” The king spoke to me with a kind smile.
“Eh?” Due to shock, I wasn’t able to understand the meaning of his words and shook my head.
“You had a frightening experience…. I was worried how you were doing.”
Finally, I remembered the day I was kidnapped. Feiwan dragged his painful body up to the tower to see me.
I remembered that scene.
“How about Your Majesty… Feiwan, is your body alright now?”
When I asked that, Feiwan grinned and spread both his arms and turned his body around on the spot. The crimson hair fluttered. The dark blue coat also fluttered about.
“How is it? I’ve grown a little again, right?”
He had certainly grown more compared to two days ago. I thought his height also grew. Two days ago, he looked about 14~15 years old. There was still a lot of boyish charm left. But now he looked to be about 18. He now looked like a young man. Because the middle schooler turned a high schooler in two days, the difference was very noticeable. The appearance of him smiling happily as he turned around in a circle seemed to be still immature that I couldn’t help but snicker.
“Ah…more importantly, how did you get here?”
After the cheerful atmosphere, I asked once again as I remembered.
“Were you surprised that I came alone in the middle of the night even though Shurei isn’t here?”
“Yes” I nodded honestly.
“Because I wanted to see you alone. Without the presence of Shurei… I wanted to take my time talking with you. It seems you’ve proficiently learned the language of this country already…. You don’t mind, do you?”
“But… How about Your Majesty’s soldiers?”
Feiwan grinned, raising the edge of his mouth and squinted. It somehow made him look like a naughty child.
“The soldiers were my soldiers. They couldn’t very well ignore my orders could they?”
“I was told that even Your Majesty cannot come here on your own. That Shurei will be called if someone came….”
“That was true alright. But it was I, who gave the instruction. The soldiers are my soldiers and not Shurei’s. Would it be a problem if Shurei isn’t here?”
The king asked in a whisper while fixedly staring at me. There was a lot of power in those eyes that gave a feeling of something peremptory.
It suddenly made me think that I had never talked to someone like this. There were very few people in modern Japan who could talk like this, while looking straight at the other person. Most people do not look at the other’s eyes while speaking. Feiwan looked straight at me, his gaze was without a hint of cloudiness and full of confidence.
I’m not good at speaking to people like this… I thought.
It was not that I hate it or anything. It seemed as if everything would be seen through, and I thought he was not someone you could fool or talk to with superficial talks. Even though he has such childishness, I was reminded once again that he was ‘king’ after all.
“I get a little… anxious without Shurei.”
I said honestly. I thought it was meaningless to hide it from him.
“You believe in Shurei more than me?”
“It’s not about who I believe or not… I don’t know anything, so I end up relying on Shurei.”
I wonder if I made the king angry by being too honest? Should I praise even if it was false flattery? However, Feiwan kept staring at me with a smile. He didn’t look angry.
“That’s natural for you now. However, I also want you to like me. I want you to rely on me too so I came like this. Ryusei…. Hurry and think of me more than you think of Shurei.”
He said to me with a hot gaze and my heart thumped.
I’m in trouble. If asked what I was troubled about, I was not at all used to being talked to by a man with a hot gaze.
No, I’m not gay so It’ll be questionable if I get used to it either.
“May I sit?”
Feiwan asked calmly which made me nod in a hurry. He walked around me at a distance and sat on a sofa a little distance away.
“You’ll feel safe with this much distance, won’t you?”
He said with a smirk and I smiled at him wryly.
The king’s consideration made me all the more discomfited. I didn’t know how to answer him. But it was true, I was reassured with the distance.
“Do you have anything… you want to ask me? Shurei isn’t here so you may ask me anything. That guy is too naggy with every question like an inspector.”
Feiwan said with an amused smile.
The king’s friendly attitude softened my feelings.
There were many things that Shurei won’t tell me. Could I ask them? I hesitated a while and stared at the floor.
“I’ll answer what I can.” Feiwan prompted me when he saw my hesitation.
I looked up as I wondered what to ask. The king’s focused gaze seemed to say that no matter what I asked, he would answer without evading.
Perhaps not all of it would be the answer I seek but it felt as if even the things he couldn’t answer, he would tell me properly why he couldn’t.
After taking a deep breath, I decided to ask.
“Then I will ask. Why did the Ryusei before me committed suicide?”
Both my palms were sweating. There wasn’t any change in Feiwan’s expression at my question. As if in thoughts, he was silent for a while.
“Why do you think?” The king finally asked back when he opened his mouth.
“I’m asking because I don’t know”
“You have a point.” The king said with a laugh.
Aah.. How mature this man was. I was impressed by his responses.
I couldn’t help but be caught up with his appearance and came to my senses when I noticed we were having a conversation. I knew in my head that he was an adult man but speaking to him face to face like this, I felt like having a conversation with a high school student. Which was why, that tone and gestures that contradicted his appearance surprised me.
The king seemed to be observing me with an easy expression. He rested his hand on his chin as if choosing his words, his straight line of sight caught me and wouldn’t let go. It was I who somehow became nervous and looked away.
He will surely answer. I had that conviction.
Whether he would give a straight answer or go the roundabout way, He surely wouldn’t dodge. The king was that kind of person. I got more nervous when I thought of that.
If.. What should I do if It was a shocking matter? I gulped and squeezed both hands resting on my knees.
“I do not know the truth behind… why the previous ryusei committed suicide. I asked the people around me but… The details were varied and even I don’t know which is the truth.” He said softly.
I raised my head in surprise and caught his stare.
He isn’t deceiving me. He really doesn’t know. I thought when I saw his eyes. I was somewhat surprised by my relief. Perhaps I was afraid of hearing the truth.
“Why do you ask something like this?”
The king asked once again.
“That’s….If I’m in a similar situation… I think I’m scared.”
“Do you want to die?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“Well, With what’s happened… I am troubled. If I can return to my original world, I want to return. But, I don’t want to die because that… But…”
I hesitated with the following words.
The king’s dignified brows frowned a little.
“I wonder if I will be unable to leave this room for the rest of my life? I wonder if that was the reason he committed suicide…”
Feiwan laughed out loud when he heard my words. I was the one who was shocked and I stared at him blankly.
“Who told you you can’t come out of this room? That’s not true. Indeed, I’m sorry for locking you up like this but…. that’s because of this appearance of mine. Because of that, not only can’t we let you leave this room, we can’t even show you to the people of this nation.”
“Eh? What do you mean?”
“You know I am currently lacking spirit energy which I receive from you, right? Because I need it more than necessary, when I come to your side we both can’t keep our senses. That’s also the reason why you and I emit scents around each other. On top of that, your scent also makes my people go out of their minds. Raoshan for example… Which is why we can’t let you go outside. But once I’m satisfied, when I get my original appearance back and you become mine, that scent will also disappear. You will be able to appear in front of the Siphons. And then you will be free to move around the country.”
“Is that true?”
I can be free
That word cheered me up.
I won’t be locked up here for life.
“Only you are an exception. So far, all the Ryusei have been united with the king right after they came to this country. So they were immediately married and made an announcement to the people. However, in your case, it’s just because your arrival was late and a lot of things made it become troublesome.”
The words ‘when you become mine’ made me pause. Since I wasn’t an innocent virgin young maiden, I knew what those words meant. I thought once more about the true meaning of the words ‘When you become mine’ and gulped. Seeing my expression, the corner of Feiwan’s mouth curved upwards.
“Are you scared?”
“Pederasty¹ isn’t being taught in Japan now, is it? Can you imagine the act between men?”
I blushed when he hit the mark.
“It’s … it’s true that I didn’t know that the Moriya family have this kind of contract. I received the name Ryuusei but I wasn’t taught anything. My grandfather and father might have known but they died a long time ago… However, even in modern Japan, that pederasty… It’s not called like that now though, but there are people who have that preference and I know about it somewhat too. I don’t have experience though.”
Feiwan narrowed his eyes at my bashful answer.
“Have you decided to become my consort?”
I raised my head to his words and stared back at him. There was an 18 year old boy in there. Maybe the word ‘boy’ was rude but that was all I could think of. Because of the tone, he seemed very cheeky. His eyes, and even his tone was powerfully compelling which gave me complex feelings.
“If I don’t become a consort, I will be imprisoned, right? If that’s the only way, then I will be a consort. If that will save my family, then it can’t be helped, right? But to be honest, if you ask me if I am willing… I don’t have it yet. I am hesitant. If I could, then I do not want to be.”
“Can you not like me?”
“It’s not…. like that.”
Troubled, I closed my eyes.
Whenever Feiwan looks at me with those eyes, I feel very troubled.
It might be weird to be disturbed when being stared at by a man, and I might not have experienced it up to now but being stared at by a strong gaze from a handsome and attractive man like him, surely, anyone would be palpitating.
“I want you to like me.”
“I like you. You are very wonderful and even in the eyes of another man, you are very attractive. More than anything, you have affection for me. There is no way I can dislike someone like that. But that doesn’t mean that I like you enough to have a sexual relationship with you.”
I replied haltingly.
To tell the truth, when that incident with Raoshan occurred and I was captured, Feiwan anxiously came for me despite the terrible condition of his body. That was when Feiwan stole my heart.
It was a fact that, rather than a friend’s like, my heart was leaning a little closer to love. But that didn’t mean that I thought it would be fine to let him embrace me. Would it be easier if I think of it as just something I have to bear with for a while?
A big man who was already 23 years old worrying about something like this… made me want to sigh.
“To tell you the truth, I’ve been a little anxious lately.”
Feiwan suddenly said. When I raised my head, Feiwan’s eyes were looking away, staring at the fire on the lit lamp by the wall.
“It’s also my first time to experience this thing.. I thought I would have met you sooner, so I have been taught how to be prepared to be a couple with you a long time ago but…. This kind of thing happened. And when you, who I have eagerly waited for for a long time finally arrived, but I can’t meet you as I want…even those around me, because this is a first, they have become very careful… being near but not being able to see each other…is painful.”
Feiwan who was looking away as he said this looked a little shy. He looked like a high school boy in the midst of an unrequited love affair and the expression he unintentionally showed at this moment also showed the attractiveness of a man. I stared at that Feiwan with a fresh feeling.
“I have fallen deeper in love with you more than I expected. That I can not see you freely is a vexing thing. There is also Shurei next to you… I could get envious even towards Shurei. I’m doomed.”
He said without looking at me until the end, smack his cheek with his one hand and scratch his head seemingly shy.
I wonder what it was… It seemed like a confession from a high school boy after all, which was really embarrassing. And moreover, being told like this, I didn’t feel any dislike which troubled me once again. Normally, being confessed to by a man like this should be off putting or unbearable, right? I thought Feiwan was a very straight-forward person. Being a man myself, I admired his candid confession to me.
If it was me, would I be able to confess openly like this to the person I like?
“Shurei? Why would you be envious of Shurei?”
When I asked him on the verge of laughter, he flicked a glance at me before averting his eyes again.
“I know that right now, I am completely losing to Shurei. Shurei is the person you trust the most in this country right now, isn’t he? I am no match for him.”
“Do you…. like me that much?”
“I like you.”² He declared decisively.
Though I was the one who asked, I got embarrassed and turned red.
It was those eyes’ fault. Even though he was averting his eyes just a moment ago, only when he said ‘I like you’, he looked straight at me… For me, being told ‘I like you’ was more embarrassing than the earlier confession.
“Why? We haven’t known each other for long…”
“Love at first sight, perhaps?”
Feiwan with his cheek resting on the arm that was on the back of the armchair, tilted his head slightly and replied with a faint smile. That expression was too obviously an attempt to look calm and collected. He looked like an adult (though it may seem persistent, but he is an adult), making me blush.
“To be precise, when my wish finally came true and I met the person I have always admired for so long unseen, I cannot help but fall for him when he turned out to be more attractive than I imagined, or something like that?”
“That’s…” I was embarrassed and looked down, my face flushed
Unbelievable. How can he say such lines that set one’s teeth on edge? How can he say it straight out while looking at the other person’s eyes?
I had never laid bare my heart and spoke frankly about my feelings to any woman I ever dated like this. It was so embarrassing. I couldn’t bear it.
‘I like you’ was my limit. I can’t say ‘I love you’ while looking straight at their face. Maybe some whispered intimacies in bed. Other than that, It would be impossible if I didn’t borrow the influence of alcohol.
I said as I kept my head down. If I didn’t say that and try to make light of the conversation, it would be too awkward to continue.
“It’s not an exaggeration. For us Siphons, Ryusei is a person deserving of our adoration. Someone only the king can love. A person of legend. That’s what I have always thought. And what the people around me constantly tell me. And because it’s unknown that it makes the imagination go wild. And if it turned out to be beyond your imagination then you can’t help but fall in love. I am devoted to you now. I want to hold you and always be beside you. Do you understand… How hard it is to hold those feelings back? If I could, I would want to show you what’s inside my heart.”
“Wait… Feiwan… Please spare me more than that…”
I couldn’t listen any more and raised both my hands in front to stop him.
It was not only embarrassing, it was too much that I wanted to run away.
“Then… hurry and think of me more than you do for Shurei.”
“Feiwan…. Shurei is different, isn’t he?”
I said with a red face but upon hearing no reply, I raised my head gingerly and looked at Feiwan’s face. Feiwan was staring at me with a serious expression. There was no trace of the easy smile he had earlier.
I thought it was strange and called the king’s name as I kept my head raised.
“He is not different.”
I asked in surprise but he sank into silence.
“What’s the matter?”
When I tilted my head and inquired, Feiwan’s expression changed and he showed a bitter smile. His brows furrowed and with a seemingly troubled look touched his forehead as he laughed.
“Pardon me, I know. It’s a nonsensical jealousy. I said it earlier, didn’t I? I, myself know that it’s a really foolish jealousy. Shurei is your personal attendant. He was chosen among many candidates and thoroughly trained to know that he exists only to protect the ryusei. To be jealous of such a man… This Siphon’s king is incredulous. But you know Ryusei, I’m at the end of the rope to the point of being foolishly jealous. I love you. Due to this vexing relationship we have right now, I am at the end of my rope. That’s why I came like this to see you even if I had to use my authority. If Shurei finds out about this, he probably won’t leave your side for a while and probably won’t let me see you for some time too and I’ll probably be reprimanded by the old senate guys too…”
“But there’s just one thing I want you to know, Ryusei. I don’t desire you as much as this because I need spirit energy…meeting on the schedule set by Shurei and the old senate men, regularly allowing us to meet merely for the purpose of the ritual of receiving spirit energy, like a feeding. Meeting and touching you for such a short time. I don’t want our meetings to be just that. I don’t want you to think of me like that. It’s not your spirit energy that I want. I didn’t pursue you because of lust. I have truly fallen for you. I love you. Not because of the attraction of the scent but I love you from the heart, I want to embrace you.”
I listened to his passionate confession in blank amazement. It was too much that I couldn’t turn my face away from embarrassment as I did earlier. Those fiery eyes captured mine, I couldn’t look away.
“I came here tonight to tell you this. So tonight, I will leave like this without touching you. Tomorrow or the next day perhaps, you will be brought to me again for the usual ritual but don’t forget the words I said to you today. Don’t come to me just to give me spirit energy like you’re giving me fodder… I want you to like me even if it’s just a little.”
He stood up slowly after he said this. And then he respectfully bowed towards me and turned with a smile. I watched him go in a daze.
“Good night.” Feiwan said with his back to me and walked slowly out of the room
I could only see him off with my eyes.
Such heavy words. I think, in my whole life, before and after, there hadn’t nor would there ever be a love confession like this. Right now, I just didn’t know how to respond to it so I could only remain in a daze.
End of Chapter 4
¹An old term for Homosexual relationship. Not used in modern Japan anymore.
²as I have mentioned before, saying ‘I like you’ equals a love confession but even though “like” is the same as a love declaration in Japan, I am sticking with the literal translation to distinguish the two words “suki” and “aishiteru” because Feiwan often uses “aishiteru” and it gives a different weight to it. So maybe take I like you as I love you and I love you as I am passionately in love with you. Psych! Kyah! ❤️
Did you enjoy this chapter as much as I did?
I’d like to apologize for the messy format of previous releases. I just found out that when I publish a release it doesn’t always follow the docs format and when I read the released version last time, it made me sad that other than the language barrier, my poor formatting skills is disrupting the flow of the dialogue too.
If you have any suggestions/comments
please let me know in the comment section 🙂
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