I Wanted to Convey Love to You, Not Death - Chapter 6(END)
“Um, Asahi. I need to talk.”
“I also enjoyed Kegon Falls. Thank you.”
I never started the conversation first. Then, unusually, Asahi interrupted me before I could finish my conversation.
“Thank you?” I couldn’t help but ask back, even though I needed to get on with my conversation.
“Yes, I’m very grateful to Shinigami-chan. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it all the time.”
“This Shinigami doesn’t suit a ‘thank you’.” I dare to answer coldly.
Because Asahi’s kindness would only make me feel bitter. In the first place, I can’t do anything for Asahi yet. And now, I’m going to take his precious life.
I’m sure there were many more things he wanted to do. So there should be no place for him to thank me. In fact, in all my years of doing this work, I have never had anyone say “thank you” to me.
I’ve been told a lot of terrible things. And I’ve seen so many painful faces of people.
So I only got annoyed when he said “thank you”. Yeah, that’s all
“Hmm, so you’re saying that a ‘lie’ would suit the Shinigami?”
“Ugh, you noticed that?” I was surprised again by the unexpected words.
“I knew right away, because you look very, very lonely. Did you realize that you were awkward from the start? You’re not the type to lie well.”
“Awkward, huh? I didn’t realize it until you told me. I’m sorry I lied.”
I wonder why his words are so warm and enveloping to me. I want to lean on his words, even though I know I’ll hate leaving him even more.
“I don’t mind that you lied to me. But more importantly, the truth is, it’s almost time for me to die, isn’t it?”
“How do you know that?”
“I’ve been thinking about you for a long time, just like the lies you told about me, Shinigami-chan.”
“You’ve been thinking about me? But I’m the Shinigami who took yours’ life, and I’m usually the one you ‘hate’, right?”
I couldn’t believe this even in his words.
I knew he didn’t really mean it, but I thought it was his last act of kindness to me. He’s always kind.
“It’s not you the Shinigami-chan that takes life, it’s ‘fate’. You’re just a Shinigami who happens to be in charge of it.”
What he says is a little strange. But I wondered how much it had soothed my heart.
“I never thought I hated Shinigami-chan even once. Rather, I’m grateful for giving me time before I die. People usually don’t know when they are going to die. Besides, meeting a Shinigami who doesn’t look like a Shinigami has actually helped me find what I want to do in my last hours.”
“What do you want to do?”
What he wanted to do before he died, I was very curious about that. But there was not much time left.
“That’s about changing you, Shinigami-chan.”
“Eh, changing me? Is that what you want?”
“You’re making light of yourself like that again. That’s what’s wrong with you, Shinigami-chan. When I first met Shinigami-chan, Shinigami-chan looked lonely. As soon as I saw that face, I wanted you to think again that living is fun. That’s why I took various actions. Thinking about what kind of things I could do to make Shinigami-chan happy made me feel less anxious about death.”
“Does that mean I’ve become the hope of life for you?”
His voice trailed off at the unexpected words.
“Hehe, that’s right. If the Shinigami wasn’t Shinigami-chan, I probably wouldn’t have been able to stand this.”
“I’m happy. I’m honestly happy that I was able to do something for you. I’ve been thinking that I haven’t done anything. And I don’t want you to die!”
“You’re finally telling me your real feelings.”
It was neither affirmative nor negative, another unexpected word came back from him.
“My real feelings?”
“Yeah, your real feelings. You’ve always been so patient and never said how you felt, right? But you’ve been able to change. The old you would never have said the words you just said until the very end. I’m more than satisfied to have seen you change with my own eyes. Now I can die with peace of mind.”
I exhaled a lot. I knew I shouldn’t get lost. If I lost my way here, it would be disrespectful to him who had prepared so much for me. That’s why he said those words.
“I’ve come to tell you that you are going to die.”
“Thank you for taking the time to tell me how hard it is for you. You’ll live happily ever after for me, because it’s a promise.”
He chuckled at that.
It was then that I finally understood everything.
The way he laughed, the way he said he wanted to have fun, the way he acted and said things I didn’t understand, it was all for me.
It may not be the feeling of love for him.
Still, it was enough for me to know the feeling.
If I had realized it earlier, I could have done so much more for him.
I don’t know why I was always so insensitive. It’s not him who is stupid, but me. No matter how much I think about it, he will never come back. Regret never goes away.
I tried screaming, “Wait a minute, I still want you to stay with me a little longer“, but that never came true. He collapsed on the spot and died soon after. I took his pulse and confirmed that he was dead.
I told myself that this is nothing out of the ordinary. But then a drop fell on my finger as I took his pulse.
It’s been a long time since I cried.
I think I’ve been letting a lot of tears accumulate in my eyes. I thought it was wrong to cry. I wondered how much he could really save me.
As I left, I looked at him again and said quietly, “I love you“.
Thank you for reading to the end. I’ve been researching BL in my own way, and thinking about what kind of new BL I could write. I hope it was BL-like. I would be very happy if you could give me some feedback!
Yayy, finally it’s over even though the story is not HE at least it’s a beautiful story but still thank you for taking a journey with me. Lastly, If you enjoyed the story, don’t forget to leave a review or rating on NU page, We really appreciate it if you do, and If you’d like my translation, please consider supporting me on Ko-fi. Thank you!